EFT Explained: What It Is and How It Works

Let’s be honest, relationships are often a rewarding part of life, but they’re also hard. When challenges arise or you’re experiencing a high amount of stress, you may go through periods of emotional disconnect. Whether with your partner, family members, or even yourself, this disconnect can leave you feeling stuck or lost.

This is where Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can be helpful. EFT is a game-changer for understanding your emotional connections, strengthening relationship bonds, and repairing any lingering wounds.

When our emotional connections are secure, we tend to be much happier people.

So, What Is EFT?

Unlike other therapy approaches that focus on thoughts and behaviors, EFT is largely based on attachment theory and explores emotions as the key to making changes. Our emotions are more than just a natural reaction—they tell us about how we relate to others.

We all need safe and secure emotional bonds to live a happy and healthy life. If those bonds are threatened by feeling disconnected, rejected, or unsafe, it can result in some intense feelings. The subsequent response may be some version of withdrawal, anger, or criticism.

Working with EFT gives you a better understanding of the root cause of these emotional reactions and teaches you how to respond more effectively. You’ll learn how to become more vulnerable and in tune with deeper-level, authentic emotions.

How EFT Works

EFT provides a roadmap for navigating relationships across three main stages.

De-Escalating Negative Cycles

The first stage of EFT is to identify any negative patterns you may be stuck in, whether as a couple or as an individual. You may find yourself withdrawing during an argument while the other person chases, or you may be playing the blame game when conflict arises.

These cycles are often automatic, but not helpful to the situation in the grand scheme. The goal is to be aware of the pattern and make a positive change.

Restructuring Emotional Responses

In this next stage, you’ll start to dig a bit deeper beneath the surface. Anger and other surface-level emotions tend to hide what’s really going on. Instead of actually being mad, you may have underlying fears of being rejected, feelings that you're not good enough, or feelings of being invisible.

Exploring these expressions creates opportunities to be more vulnerable and in touch with your true self. Empathy and new emotional experiences can open new doors for you and your relationships.

Creating New Ways to Connect

This last stage involves solidifying new ways of relating that pull things together rather than push you apart. It starts with practicing ways of interacting that are open, honest, and supportive. You will learn how to be more present and respond more thoughtfully. As you approach these new patterns, you’ll be able to build stronger and more secure bonds that will be more effective in navigating future challenges.

Who Benefits from EFT?

EFT is best known for helping people work through relationship issues, especially dealing with conflict, distance, and infidelity. There is also strong evidence for use in helping people work through issues with anxiety, depression, trauma, and family struggles.

This approach has pretty impressive success rates, with up to 90% of people reporting significant improvement in their given situations. Because you’re tapping into deep emotions and reprogramming how you respond, it can lead to longer-term improvements rather than some short-term fixes.

Ready to Feel More Connected?

If you’re currently feeling stuck or unsure how to move forward in a relationship, Emotionally Focused Therapy can be the missing piece to the puzzle. Whether you’re healing from old wounds, wanting to feel more secure, or trying to enhance your relationship with your partner, EFT has something to offer you.

This isn’t something you need to do alone. Working with a trained therapist can help you get on the path to better emotional well-being. Reach out to my office today to schedule a consultation.